Rock of Ages

Cast of Champions, Music of Legends, Costumes of Glory, Cinematography of Angels, Script of Marshmallow I convinced my boyfriend and his manly friend to go and see Rock of Ages last night. We are all die hard metal fans and I thought, shew, the music will be EPIC. The film boasts music from the Rock Gods like Def Leppard, Bon Jovi, Joan Jet (my hero), Extreme, Guns n Roses, Poison, Twisted Sister and more. I also has a FABULOUS cast, Tom Cruise (who looks INCREDIBLE), Alec Baldwin, Russel Brand (my favourite), Catherine Zeta Jones etc. I had also seen these pictures on the Web: It HAS to be good right? Well.... I nearly had heart failure at 2 minutes in when the main female lead Sherrie Christine (Julianne Hough) breaks into song in a bus, and the bus driver joins in... and then the rest of the bus. Oh crap... When they said musical they meant singing your feelings with the hobo and the whole of the supermarket dancing in tune right? Not musical as in heavy metal rocking my socks off and hard core performances?? Oops.... (Insert Dianne's heart sinking as she looks at the two men next to her)... The movie improved after that (I think after the shock wore off) and we rambled and rocked our way through a predictable and weak story line. The basic story (insert lack of imagination here): Pretty, blond small town girl (Sherrie) leaves dead end small town (Tulsa Oklahoma) in a homely dress (that one would imagine being worn to bake home made apple pie for grandma on the porch) with nothing but $17 and some records to go seek fame and fortune (her choir mistress said she could rock). She causes Havoc equivalent to the Zombie Apocalypse in reverse in a bus by making them all burst into song, lands in LA, gets mugged (her light suitcase gets taken with all her records? No clothes in Tulsa?) and she meets heart-throb Drew Boley (Diago Boneta) who gets her a job at her a job, and a date, and some leg over (all in about ummm.... 4 minutes?).  Drew and Sherrie are in love and are both wannabe singers, they wait tables and work the Bar at the Bourbon Room, run by shaggy haired, pouting Dennis Dupree (Alec Baldwin) and flouncing, mullet sporting "partner" Lonny Barnett (Russel Brand). The Bourbon Room is on the Strip of Vegas - Famous for setting rockers off into the abyss of fame and fortune, an is introduced by a group of conservative middle class housewives boycotting the club with placards saying: Rockers Burn in Hell, and Metal is the Devil (Not much has changed).  Anyway, the club is struggling, Rock n Roll and love keeps it going (although it is always packed in every scene), the two managers can't fathom the nasty taxes and there are hairs in the olives. To add insult to injury the philandering up and coming (ahem) mayor and his uptight, conservative (secretly rock fetishistic) wife Patricia (Patsy) Whitmore want to clean up the strip in order to get more financial backing and they create a frenzy of conservative protesters, nuns included, to close down the club (rock is the devil, not the strip club, prostitutes, or drug dealers on the strip). One of the best lines of the movie was: Rock n Roll made my child eat my neighbour's horses face. Anyway, enter Tom Cruise's character, Stacee Jaxx, and eccentric rock n roller, who seems to have a Benjamin L Willard (Martin Sheen) from "Apocalypse Now" persona and paranoia as well as an accompanying sound track, way of speaking toting a well dressed, well trained monkey (called Hey Man). Stacee Jaxx is a rock heart throb (who makes women everywhere faint), trying to go solo from his band Arsenal, Stacee is coming to play at the club, to help rejuvenate it (and pay for those pesky taxes).  Anyway, good ol small time Sherrie is uber excited, the warm up band pulls out, so Drew's band gets to play (which is a big thing in a failing club). Anyway, some words of foreboding is said about the spotlight making Drew a pig and thus forgetting about Sherrie. As Drew is alighting the stage he sees Sherrie running out of Stacee Jaxx's room adjusting her shirt as he is adjusting his crotch after a fling with uptight Rolling Stone reporter Constance Sack (Malin Akerman) and of course assumes that Sherrie has had an affair with Jaxx. Drew is amazing on stage, beaks up with Sherrie (who quits), gets an offer from Stacey Jaxx's good for nothing agent Paul Gill (Paul Giamatti), and he quits.  Drew signs contracts and sells his soul, the record companies want a boy band, he dresses like a clown and becomes one of the Zzzzz Gueyzzzz on his moped and Sherrie becomes a stripper (with Mary J Blige) after a nervous breakdown in 4 days of rain (kinda a Greece revival here). Anyway, the agent steals the Bourbon Rooms Money, offers a come back and a break for Drew (the rockers hate the Boy Band image and attempt to Lynch him, but Sherrie saves the day with a light rock song he wrote for her), the uptight conservative Mayors wife is revealed as a rock slut in the end and Sherrie and Drew get back together, dress up like Metal Red Indians to perform with Jaxx (feathers and a very high legged all in one turquoise body suit). Stacee Jaxx returns to Arsenal and knocks up the reporter and they all perform to a giant stadium and are famously rocking ever after.  Good points about the film: 1) The Cinematography was designed fabulously. There are multiple shots and sequences that are shot and edited to perfection. Many rock battles and song duets filmed in different places that fit together like gems sparkling in the sun!  2) The Rock n Roll Soundtrack ROCKED, so metal, so brutal. All the lyrics were sung by the relevant actors, that needs a hat tip. (http://www.digitalspy.co.uk/movies/news/a387720/rock-of-ages-soundtrack-preview-listen.html) 3) Tom Cruise was beyond EPIC, his performance was amazing, and for a 50 something year old creepy Scientologist, he was very very convincing and looks incredible to boot. Catherine Zeta Jones, beautiful as usual. 4) Sherri and Drew, (Hough and Beneta) were fresh new faces and very very good and a PLEASURE to look at and watch. 5) The Hair and Costumes were incredible, made me want to be born in the 80s. 6) The lighting was fabulous, so rock n roll, so moody, so beautiful. 7) Russel Brand and Alec Baldwin had such great chemistry (so good, they even had to be gay in the end), their humor carried the film. 8) Great pole dancing. 9) Some awesome montages of sound, light and song. 10) Use of music from Digetic to Extra Digetic and vise verse. Also using real life things such as shoes etc to make music was great. Negative points: 1) The script... Made of brittle cliches and bold assumptions.  2) The Dialogue was weak and lacking. 3) The musical bubble gummy-ness of the beginning was a bit of a shock to the rock n roll audience. (it was used cleverly in juxtaposition to the gritty life style later in the film which redeemed it slightly) 4) The outcome of all of the characters was too nicely wrapped up... and Other characters were forgotten. Overall, in my humble opinion, the actors and the wow factor carried the film, I will buy it for my collection for the music, cine and the lighting. If you like Musicals, this kicks Burlesque's ass, almost as good as Moulin Rouge and Chicago.